I AM FUCKING SCREAMING BECAUSE THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE BEST THING EVER
You have your mother’s cheek bones
godDAMMIT NOW WE’RE SHIPPING CUTLERY
TUMBLR YOU NEED TO S T O P
I hope this post comes back to me when it has a short story attached.
The Utensils were a happy family, just like any other. Fork was a loving, caring father, who worked at a bank, and Spoon was his beautiful wife, who owned a small business that allowed her to spend a lot of time with their son, Spork. Every day, when Fork came home from work, he gently clinked against the rim of Spoon’s face and asked how her day had been. She would go on and on about how her Aunt Bowl was letting anyone fill her up these days, and telling him he would never guess who they got a phone call from today (it was his brother, Knife), and he would just lean back against the china cabinet, staring at his wife’s beautiful reflective surface, and know everything was right in the world.
One day, however, everything was suddenly not right in the world at all.
Fork woke up in the silverware drawer and instantly knew something was wrong. He looked over to where Spoon normally slept, confused when he saw nothing but empty space. Or, at least, he thought it was empty. It took him a minute to see the small note left there. Oh no. God, no, he thought.
He picked up the note with shaking prongs, and read amid tears:
I’m sorry to leave you like this, but I just couldn’t face seeing you. It’s too painful. I’m not strong enough to tell you this to your face, and I know that makes me a coward. I know that makes me a horrible utensil. But I can’t do this anymore.
Do you remember Cow’s party the other night? The night she was so drunk she swore she jumped over the moon? Well, I met someone that night. His name is Dish. And we’re running away together.
Please, don’t try and find us. Dish makes me happy. He doesn’t spend all day staring at me, looking at himself in my reflection.
Fork collapsed to the ground, wishing he could tell Spoon that the reason he loved staring at her reflective surface so much, was because of the way her surface magnified everything around her, making it seem so much greater and more beautiful than people could see themselves as normally. Her personality did the same thing. It’s what he loved most about her. And what he would miss most of all.
I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS FUCKING SITE.
sweet jesus i’m crying over cutlery
i just went on facebook and
im laughing so hard this is genius
June is so out the door
What do strippers do when they’re on their period
What do female astronauts do when they’re on their period
what do homeless women do when they get their period
what did tribeswomen do when they got their period
what do fictional characters do when they get their period
We never even solved the first one
WHY ARENT THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS
LIKE EVERYTHING IS THE SAME AS A KIDS PLAYGROUND
WHY DO WE NOT HAVE THOSE
theme parks. just. theme parks.
but u have to pay for theme parks
that’s the adult part
son of a bitch
ladies and gentlemen, behold
the St. Louis City Museum:
Playground for adults and children.
They even serve alcohol.
I know where we’re going guys
im glad i have a tumblr so i can see the same four posts a thousand times on my dashboard
This needs more notes ._.
Here I am reblogging this from myself because I think everyone who breathes needs to see it and MAKE IT STOP.
This is a joke. He interviews people and makes jokes. Calm your feministic self down.
Get out. If you honestly think that, I want you to unfollow me right now.
That guy isn’t joking, and if he is, its a god awful joke, and has no right to be supported. If he’s joking, then its an example of institutionalized misogyny in comedy that has been built up over the years and decades past, and it is not acceptable.
I am uncomfortable with those jokes, and I’m a GUY. It isn’t ok to do to ANYBODY, let alone people who are trying to enjoy a convention and cosplay a character they like. This is disgusting and shit like this needs to stop, from all angles, even someone trying to make a shitty joke.
Women are not objects, and they should not be treated as such.
If you think this guy is funny for doing that, and if you honestly think I need to calm down for being “feministic” in this issue, then you need to unfollow me, because I have no intention of stopping. And now that you’ve drawn attention to yourself with this, I highly suggest you don’t bring it up again.
In fact, I recommend you take a good long look at yourself. Take a look at how you are treated, and how other people around you are treated. If you think this is comedic and funny, you need to check yourself, because its not. If you think joking about women in such a way that demeans them and objectifies them, you need to check yourself.
And above all else, if you think someone standing up for equality of women and the cessation of this shitty behavior from EVERYONE, not just this comedian, warrants someone like YOU telling that person to “calm [their] feministic self down”, then you need to reconsider your priorities in life.
This is a real thing that’s real.